


you were gone and i couldn't feel you anymore

by bene_elim



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, they think that the other is dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28454664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bene_elim/pseuds/bene_elim
Summary: Balthamos thinks Baruch is dead. Baruch thinks Balthamos is dead.
Relationships: Balthamos/Baruch
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4
Collections: His Dark Materials Discord Server Exchange





	you were gone and i couldn't feel you anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DownToTheSea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownToTheSea/gifts).



> This is for the hdm discord server mini exchange! for my wonderful mod and friend, vienna <3 i hope you enjoy it, it's short and sweet but perhaps one day i will expand on it because it was fun to write!

_A scream ripped through Baruch’s throat. He felt as though he had been plunged into a white-hot flame; pain licked his sides and crept up along his chest till a fiery hand dove into his chest and squeezed. It was agony, and all he could do was writhe desperately._

_“Balthamos!” He cried, interrupting himself. “Oh, my dear, dear Balthamos!”_

_“What happened? What’s wrong?” Asriel was on his feet in an instant, looking around for the danger._

_“He’s dead! My beloved Balthamos!” A single tear escaped his eye and trailed torturously slowly down his cheek. The pain had quietened again, now just his own once more._

_Asriel was quiet for a long moment, watching the angel gasp for breath through his pain. Eventually, he said,_

_“I can see that you’re tired. I’m sorry for your loss. I shall get a medic to look over you. Rest. We’ll talk more later.”_

_-_

_Balthamos felt it the moment that Baruch died. His contact with him had steadily been getting weaker and weaker, and Balthamos could focus on nothing but keeping hold of that telepathic bond they had in case it slipped away for good. When it eventually did, he howled in pain, dropping to his knees. He felt like a stone thrown into water: no choice but to sink with no way to rise to the sweet surface again.  
  
_

_“What? What’s wrong with you?” Will asked._

_“Baurch! He’s gone! Oh, Baruch…” Never again would he be able to hold his hand, kiss his cheek, run his fingers through his hair. Never again._

_“Balthamos…” Will said, voice twisting with something unknown.  
  
“Oh Baruch…”   
  
“Balthamos, we need to go. Now!” _

_But before Balthamos could register the alarm in Will’s voice, an angel had thrown himself at him. Something sharp pierced through his wing and Balthamos cried out in pain, eyes scrunched shut. Thus he couldn’t see Will when he brandished the subtle knife, flinging his arm out at the luminous beings in front of him. It was tricky – he didn’t want to hurt Balthamos, but he had to get rid of the other angel somehow, and he didn’t know what else to do. He felt awful when he heard Balthamos cry out again, agony in his scream. He’d caught the edge of his wing with the knife. But more importantly, he’d got the angel right through_ his _wings, too, and his scream mingled with Balthamos’s in the air. The angel slipped off Balthamos and stood, glancing once more their way, before retreating on foot quickly back into the night. Will spared no look his way, attention immediately on Balthamos._

_“Balthamos? Are you alright?”_  
  
“No, I’m not alright,” Balthamos replied. “Baruch is dead!”

_“Come on, we have to go, now! There might be more angels coming!” Will said._

_-_

The battle raged on around Baruch. He stared listlessly at it. He’d fully recovered from his injuries, Asriel’s medic doing a spectacular job. But try as he might, he couldn’t muster up the will to assist in the fight. Any and all desire to resist and join the rebels had abated as soon as he had felt Balthamos die. Now he watched, not truly there at all.

Until…

There was a flicker of a shape, a slight luminosity. He _knew_ that light. He knew that light because that light was Balthamos’s.

“Balthamos!” He shouted, suddenly broken from his apathetic trance. “Balthamos!”

Alas, he was too quiet to be heard over the sounds of battle. So, with no other thought but that he must see his beloved, he charged into the thick of the battle, Balthamos’s flicker of light the only beacon he needed.

“Balthamos!” He cried when he was nearer. The shape that was Balthamos turned and stared right at him for barely a moment, before they were both running towards each other.

“Baruch!” Balthamos said when they were mere paces away. They threw themselves into the other’s open arms and clung, tight, as though nothing could ever separate them again, the battle in the background forgotten.

“I thought you were dead,” Baruch sobbed. He peppered Balthamos’s face with kisses, each fleeting and quick, trying to make up for all the kisses they had missed while apart.

“And I thought _you_ were dead!” Balthamos said. He held Baruch’s face in his hands. They both laughed breathily, astounded, amazed to see the other, still in shock.

“Let’s go, shall we?” Balthamos whispered eventually.

“Yes,” Baruch replied. And together they walked away from the war raging.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed it! <3


End file.
